Monday, September 20, 2010

Yo Ho(kies)! Blow The Man Down!

On Saturday the Virginia Tech Hokies pillaged the East Carolina Pirates by a final score of 49 to 27, and claimed their first win of the season.

In the beginning of the game it was tough sailing for the Hokies.  The Pirates, who are always a pesky hoard of scallywags, came out blastin'.

The scurvy crew drove down the field effortlessly on their first two possessions to take a quick 10 to nothing lead over the Hokies.  Once again the Tech defense looked as porous as a sea sponge, and the offense looked like a bunch of landlubbers.  Just then the Techmen fired back.  Tech's star tailback Ryan Williams capped off a 70 yard drive with a 2-yard touchdown run, and the bloodfest was underway.  Midway into the second quarter, the Hokies receive a ghastly sight.  Ryan Williams being carried off the field.  He was out for the rest of the game with a hamstring injury.  Darren Evans entered the ballgame, and picked up the slack.  Evans scored on a 7-yard touchdown run (his first touchdown since returning to the team).  After exchanging cannon fire for two quarters, the Hokies garnered a 21-17 lead.  But the Pirates, being the scallywags that they are, scored a touchdown with only 26 seconds remaining in the second quarter to take a 24-21 lead into halftime. Shiver me timbers.

The Hokies find themselves in the third game of the season trailing to ECU, and looking anything but shipshape.  But the tide would turn.

Sophomore David Wilson entered the ballgame and gave Tech the speed, determination, and confidence the Hokies have been lacking so far this season.  Wilson scored two touchdowns in the third quarter to pull the Techmen ahead of the Pirates 35 to 27.  Trailing by just 8 points, ECU still had high hopes heading into the fourth quarter.  Those hopes would soon be dashed.  The Pirates started driving into Tech territory.  It's first and ten ECU from the VT 36-yardline.  East Carolina quarterback Dominique Davis drops back to pass, throws, and...it's picked off by Rashad Carmichael.  Roc takes it 68 yards to the house, and drives a cutlass into the Pirates' black hearts. "ARRrrrrrggh," they cry.  Tyrod Taylor finished off the Pirates with one final blow, as he connected with Jarrett Boykin for a 69-yard touchdown bomb to add some insurance doubloons on the win.  It's the plank for the Pirates.  They're shark bait.

Staying with the Pirate theme, this game was eerily reminiscent to an infamous moment in seafaring history.  That of course being "Blackbeard's Last Fight."  Blackbeard the Pirate was quite the bad dude.  His real name was Edward Teach, but his nickname Blackbeard definitely fitted him better.  He had a gangly, black beard braided in pig tails that went all the way down to his belt buckle.  He wore a banister with three guns attached to it.  He hung lit canon fuses from his hat during battle to scare opponents.  Like I said, he was a bad dude.  Anyways the Virginia Government (ironic I know) wanted to get rid of this scallywag for good.  They sent out Lieutenant Robert Maynard of the Royal Navy to extinguish Blackbeard.  When Maynard's ship approached Blackbeard's ship, he wasted no time throwing the first punch (like ECU on Saturday).  Blackbeard fired all 8 of his cannons, which took out a number of Maynard's men.  The band of pirates saw that almost all on deck had been blasted, and boarded the ship to pillage it.  Little did they know that  Maynard was sandbagging (just like the Hokies were sandbagging).  He had twice as many men as the pirates hiding below deck.  He had tricked the pirates.  The swashbucklers fought angrily, but there's power in numbers.  Blackbeard went right after Maynard, and used his mighty cutlass to break Maynard's sword off at the handle.  He had him right where he wanted him.  Blackbeard reached back for the kill shot, but just then a member of Maynard's crew crept up and sliced his throat (like Rashad Carmichael's interception).  Blackbeard continued to fight, yelling curses at the Navymen as blood sprayed from his neck.  Maynard's men bumrushed him (like the defense rushed ECU's quarterback), and after 5 gunshots and 20 cuts Blackbeard was dead.  Just to make sure he was dead, Maynard beheaded Blackbeard and hung his head on the front of the ship.  They threw the body overboard.  Much to their surprise Blackbeard's head yelled,"Come on, Edward," and his body swam three laps around the boat before sinking to Davy Jones' Locker.  (I wish I could say that the HokieBird beheaded the ECU Pirate mascot and his body ran three laps around Lane Stadium, but instead the Bird just did the Hokie Pokie with him).  

Back to the game.  It wasn't the prettiest win I've ever seen  (that's to be expected when pirates are involved), but it's a win nonetheless.  It's a very much needed win to get the Hokies back on course for any chance of a decent season.  This was just the turnaround that Tech needed.  At the beginning of the game, they looked like the Hokies who had lost their first two games...maybe even worse.  The defense couldn't wrap up a Christmas present.  The cornerbacks wouldn't turn around and look for the ball even if their helmets were on backwards.  I'm actually looking into petitioning the NCAA to ask for special side mirrors to put on our cornerbacks' helmets so that they'll actually look for the ball.  For the past two games Darren Evans has been a big pinata.  If you hit him hard enough, the candy comes flying out and other kids scoop it up.  He fumbled on the drive that would have beaten JMU, and he fumbled another one to the Bucko's in this one.  I'm also positive that Dyrell Roberts had horse blinders on during kickoff returns.  He had huge holes on almost every return, but insisted on running sideways like a crab into the ECU blockades.  Luckily the Hokies put the Busch League-ness behind them at halftime.  It was like a whole different team in the second half.  The defense started tackling.  Cornerbacks started turning around, and in-turn got interceptions.  Evans didn't fumble (but once).  David Wilson outran his underperforming offensive line along with the Pirates defense.  Roberts took the blinders off and caught TD passes.  And most importantly the Hokies scored 7 touchdowns in the game, and no field goals.  That's right SEVEN touchdowns,   no weak field goals.  That's what wins ball games.  That's what I'm talking about.  It was like old times.  It was Virginia Tech Football for the first time this year.

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